The Orphan

I was walking through the platform of that station under the summer sun. I had to catch the noon train for my home town where I am living. There was no enough cover for the platform. Only small roof was provided in front of Station master's room with an old electric fan slowly running with difficulty of ageing. I moved to the counter and collected my ticket. Lady in the counter smiled at me, by seeing her usual customer. I moved to the platform, in front of Station master's room, where there was a concrete bench under the fan. But it was crowded already. Instead of four people, same space in that bench was adjusted with seven. I stand some what near to them so that I could share the hot breeze coming from the same electric fan.

I waited for the train. I always interested to watch people while on traveling. People were like colors, different views, different expressions, and different kind of responses. Some enjoyed the journeys, others not. I belonged to the former ones. As my mind was traveling through some kind of wild thoughts, a bell rang near to Station master's office, a notice about the arrival of a train. In seconds, the station became alert. Whoever was walking very slowly started running to get tickets. Rush started at the ticket counter.

I could hear the howling of the train coming from distance. People started standing and coming near the edge of platform. Some was moving to the less crowded part on the platform. I stayed there in the same place for a while and then I was also started moving towards the end. Slowly it arrives to the station area and finally made a halt. Fortunately the door came in front of me and the train was less crowded. I entered and took a seat near the window in the platform side. I loved to be in that seat whenever I was traveling, so that I could see people in other stations, different scenes of real life while traveling.

After a long howl, my train started moving. Then only I noticed one son and mother, just now got down in that station, was moving away from me. Mother was trying to cover her son with some bags over his head for protecting from that heat. Initially son tried to oppose that, but while moving, slowly he accepted simple warm presentation of affection from his mother. Then I really wanted to be in the place of that son. I have read a lot about motherly love, but never experienced.

I started my life in an orphanage run by nuns. I was happy there in my childhood. So many children like me, playing together, eating together and always together. All were same and treated same. Some or other days whoever got lucky would be taken by their adopted father and mother. We also got sweets on that particular day. As I grown up, they moved me to other orphanage, entirely for boys. First separation was painful one. I was moved out from my environments for the last 12 years, my bed, my friends and a small world where I was very happy. After that, my days were going such a huge pace, I only knew about that, when I was kicked out of the orphanage. In that time, I was alone in this world, very few knowledge about the people and their life. But I survived.

Certain times I also thought about a family that I can live for and woke up for every day. I painted a faceless figure of my parents in my heart. I couldn't feel angry about them. May be situations in their life made them to throw me to the world. But they might not foresee the situation and life that their blood had undergone. Always had a banner with the name “Nobody’s own" or simply an "orphan".

But I only had one question to my mother if I could ever meet her" Whether she had shed a single drop of tear for me in the last 33 years?” May be or may not be.........

The Lost Sunshine

This may be a story or you can took it more than a story

Not long before.But a few years ago she started her first letter to me with a single sentence and within months the size of letters she was usually sending to me increased to kilo bytes.Atlast I stored it in a compact disc and now she lives in that compact disc and in my memories. In the last days, when I was overcoming my fascination about a different kind of relation, I overjoyed about my power of my mind and heart. But years later after my long longings and lonliness through the ages and places, I found out that I missed one of the most valuable place of one's existence "in other's heart". But when I realized, the time had gone so far that I couldn't take it back or ask for any kind of forgiveness.

Mistakes happened to each and every human being. But I might be the only one not wanted to accept that and be proud of that mistake. Whatever time I had shown my mental sturdiness to others;inside I was always very weak, more than a girl. For silly silly things I wet my pillows for countless nights.Certain times in our life we were become less confident to accept or take some thing. She was also a same kind of moment in my life were I was less confident.

We travelled together a lot, talked a lot, exchanged views and mails a lot. But in a crucial moment I run away from her. She was some kind of consoling hand in the time of my failures. She made me to write stories and poems. She made me to see the world and the peoples with its ultimate serenity and colour. But with moments I loosed everything in days.I was some kind of looser on that days. I accepted my failures without any foughtback.

I still remebers the moment I touched her for the first time, for helping her to enter the train from the non-platform side.Usually in my two hours train journey in most of the weekends, 45-50 minutes with her and next half with her memories. In the last weekend, after a long two years, when I travelled in the same train from the same station to my usual place I found I am all alone with full of unknown crowd,impatience, sweat and all.When I got my seat, I was so tired and slept. I missed to see once again her usual station and the river we both were admiring.

We were silent when we together, but talked a lot through our letters. Now letters are the only memories I have about her. I know where she is now and what she is doing and may she also know the same about me. But we were a distance apart more than two galaxies. My eyes still wander through the road that getting to her home, but scared to have an eye contact. Still my heart ask for a moment of my Miss Sunshine's.

As one of my friend's comment," There will be thousands of people that you can love, but there will be a few available who gives you a place in their heart. If you have a life ,sacrifice your life to them.That is the meaning of life"