Tears of Abiding

Thou you were not with me now and not for me in the future. But you were mine in the last days. I turned back the pages, I found a torn one. It was all about an evening long before when I was waiting for you for the last time at the park bench. You were late.
Even when you came, you made each step towards me with a lot hesitation. I could feel something revolting in your mind in each step. It was clear in your swirled eyes. I took your face in my hand and kept straight with my face.

“What?” I asked.

You escaped from my hold and answered “Nothing”, turning away from my face.
Then silence prevailed for a few minutes. We both didn’t look at each other. In other minute she caught my hand in her. I turned to face her. She started to speak softly “Dev, I am going to be engaged. We shouldn’t be any more like this. I couldn’t oppose them, my parents.”

She was sudden and words were broken. She let her face down. I couldn’t look at her. I felt something chilling inside me. Then for minutes I listen to the music of my watch’s tic-tic. She started speaking again, “Dev, we would be friends for ever now onwards, ha?” I said “Yes”, without looking at her. She again asked “whether I hurt you?” I told her the lie “No”.

She turned my face towards her. I was looking at her eyes straight. I controlled not to wet my eyes. I tried to make a faint smile. But I failed. She knew it and she also acted that she didn’t see it. My emotions and pains were curtained behind my face. I asked her “what’s your fiancée?”
She get surprised and answered “Marine Engineer”. “How is he?” I again asked. Her surprise became smile and she answered “Not good as you”. I laughed and said “Oh! You are flirting”. She also laughed in return.

But that moment, I know I was feeling a deep cut in my heart. Still I couldn’t believe ,how effectively I passed the test. I wished her all good wishes and lucks for the future. I also promised her that I would present in her marriage. I knew she would never invite me and I was not going to. But both of us acted brilliantly. Then for some time, there was nothing to talk. We didn’t look at each other.

I stand up to bid adieu for the last time and started walking away from her. I knew she was still standing beside the park bench. I knew she couldn’t believe my ways. She didn’t expect parting can be this simple.

While I was walking I hate myself. But I couldn’t forget the beautiful days with her . I was certain that she would be in my heart for ever. Even if I could scribe her from my dreams and thoughts, still I couldn’t drop her from the frame I painted on my heart. While I was remembering your smiling face and twinkling eyes, two drops of tears started dripping my cheeks. That would be the only thing that you never see………..