Spending ‘first night’ with an IODEX bottle

Atlast I got my leave. I didn’t want to think back what all strategies I have applied to get my leave. That was also only two days before my marriage. My friends told that I was very lucky to get leave two days before the marriage. There was some history with some person who was ready to tie the knot got a call from a tanker lorry driver asking for load. I shouldn't be that much luckier. I knew that next two days would be the busiest days in my life. I didn't think what I have to wear for my wedding. I thought I would plan it while I was traveling to my house by train. I knew that I had got very less time to plan and execute the most important happening of my life. Here in South India, marriage is a matter of half an hour ceremony. While comparing with a North Indian marriage, you wouldn't have anything to remember in South Indian marriage. With in an eye blink, you and your partner would be declared as man and wife. After that there would be an extensive photo session with all of your relatives and friends. That might take hours to complete. In between you couldn't even get time to go to loo atleast. If something had happened like that, people would have remembered you as the person who went to loo in between his marriage for your entire life time. Never I wanted an adjective like that for me.

After indoor drama, your photographer and videographer would take you and your partner to outdoors for another session of exhaustion. For most of the shots they would keep you aside as a silent viewer and they would explore your bride through their camera eye after taking your money. You could not blame them at all. You had told them to do so and made payment. A week after you would probably get an edited version of your videography in a CD or photographs in an album. You never knew how much they have explored your bride under the camera eye. You kept the CD and Album for your life time as a  memory of your priceless moment or for a proof of document if sometime you or your partner might  gone through some acute memory break down about your relationship. I knew that my marriage would be also like the same. I didn't want to change the system, even if I was not happy with the system.

Atlast the day had arrived before me. My last few hours to loose my bachelorhood. I knew that, today, I would be the center of attraction to each and everyone around me. Some body would be always around me, sometimes advising or teasing or doing whatever they could do against a scape goat. For that particular day I also had to stand under spot light for hours, completely drenched in my sweat, but with a charming smile. Initially I thought a lot stupidity about these married life. Two three years back I was very determined not to get in to any settled life. But slowly I realized that my fate wouldn't be the different one. I thought, my friends would be there for my entire life. But I was false. They also shrunk to a small cocoon of their family after their marriage. They didn't get free time to spend with me. After some time I felt I was becoming more and more alone. So finally I had to surrender for the constant pressure from my parents and relatives. The moment they got my nod to proceed, every one started to look for a suitable girl for me. I didn't know why they are so excited? Were they really happy to see me settling in a life or Were they happy that I came back to normal social life? But every week after that when I came to my home to spend my off-day, my mother would deliver me a heap of matches which I would have to search down.

It became a routine that I would be sitting with my parents and my sister with possible matches around our dinning table to select the most appropriate match. After so many discussions, combinations, horoscope match making, we all decided Sanjana would be my life partner for this life time. I also accepted their decision. But actually I had small liking towards her from initial time itself while I was viewing her photograph. I bribed my sister terribly to support for me to select Sanjana. Fortunately our horoscope also matched. Balance decisions were decided by elders. But before marriage itself we used to spend more time in phone and in chatting like new age couples. So I was sure that my hands wouldn't be shivering while I was tying the knot.

Everything went fine on that day. My hands wouldn't shiver much. I never stumbled in between. We smiled and chatted with every one who wished us for an excellent future life. We posed brilliantly for the photos and videos like professional models. By evening, everything was settled and we were ours own by then. People finally started to go back. I felt lot relaxed. I lied down in my sofa. Sanjana already taken over kitchen for preparing dinner with my mother like a dutiful daughter-in-law. I got up from my short nap after an hour when my mother called me to come for dinner. Sanjana was already helping my mother for serving the dinner when I came to dinning room. I was impressed by her smartness to handle her in-laws in a very short span of time. My mother forcefully made her to sit with me and herself served for me and Sanjana. We never felt that Sanjana was a new comer or never she made us to felt like that.

From that day onwards we wouldn't be having separate rooms, separate wardrobes or separate beds. We had to adjust with my small room in the first floor corridor. After dinner I was send ahead of  Sanjana to our bedroom. I knew that still some proceedings are left before I could get her alone. I was waiting. After some time Sanjana opened our bedroom door slowly and came inside with a glass of milk in her hand.When she approached near my side table, I went and closed the door of our bedroom. Then I came and sit near to her on the bed. Next second, somebody was knocking our bedroom door.Sanjana went and opened the door. It was my sister with a tray full of fruits and some lighted agarbathi. I thought for what heck people was doing all these like in movies. She came inside our bedroom and placed the tray on the top of the side table. Before opening the door itself, I smartly moved to my study table and acted like I was busy with some works in laptop.She sat with Sanjana on the bed and started chatting and giggling in low voice that I couldn’t hear at all. I took that moment to reply my mails and scraps that my friends and colleague had sent to me regarding my marriage. While chatting with my sister, Sanjana was occasionally looking at me also. 

After half an hour, I shut down my laptop and acted like I was very sleepy. My sister got my silent order to leave us alone. She stopped in between and shown some kind of hand signal to Sanjana before leaving from the room. As soon as she gone out, I closed and bolted our room door. When I turned back, Sanjana was smiling at me. I felt like a fool. I came and sat beside her on the bed. She started teasing me about my uncomfortability in the last half an hour. But I counter attacked her, about her smart acting infront of my parents to impress them.We started our life with a small fake fight. I felt I was going to be very happy. I felt I was lucky. But my first night suddenly changed in seconds like a DOCOMO advertisement.

The pillow I was holding in my hand slipped from my lap. Sanjana volunteered to take it from the floor. Her movement was quick to grab it. But after getting it she came back with a deep moaning sound. I knew something had happened. I asked her what? She answered exactly like the MOOV ad. "My back ". I understood that her sudden movement hurted her back. I felt sorry. she lied down in our bed. I could read from her face that it hurt very badly. I started to slowly rub her back. Then I decided it would be good if I did with a balm. I started searching for any balm in my table drawer and wardrobe also. I couldn't find anything. I thought I would ask my mother.I opened my bedroom door and started to climb down the stairs. Sanjana was calling from behind lying down on the bed and uttering some thing like" Don't disturb them in this late hours, I am ok". But I didn't wait to listen that.I knocked the door of my parent's beedroom. My mother came and opened the door. She asked what had happened. I explained her the whole thing and asked her for the balm.She went inside and switched on the lamp. My father also woken up by the light. He also started enquiring what happened. I told him nothing. Mean while my mother found out the Iodex bottle. Instead of giving it to me, she voluntarily came for the service of her daughter in law. When she stepped inside, Sanajana tried to stood up. But her paining back didn't allow her to move. My mother started massaging her back. But after sometime she decided that with balm it wouldn't get relieved. She thought of taking hot water massage. She went back to kitchen for boiling water without listening the resistance from Sanjana. My mother given me the bottle of Iodex with silent order to massage Sanjana's back until her return. With no time my sister also made her presence in our room and she started laughing. Sanjana also started smiling. I thought they were making me fool. I thought that these all were a part of drama they have planned earlier.Meantime my mother returned back. She told like a command that Sanjana would be sleeping today in my parent's bedroom with my mother and sister. Before that she could undergo hot water massage. My father had been already shifted to my sisiter's bedroom. Then she helped Sanajna to get up. With support of my mother on one-side and sister on other side she stood up and started walking towards the stairs to ground floor to my parent's beedroom where she would be spending her first night. For the last time in that night she looked back and gave my a very naughty sweet smile. It was like a "black forest" pastery had been taken away from my plate. I smiled back like a fool.

Why it had happened to me? Upto then it was perfect. But it suddenly had an unexpected climax like in a Maniratnam movie. I got my leave perfectly. My marriage was not disturbed my any distant sitting bosses for any reports or by any tanker lorry fellow for loads. But this was not an expected end to end a marriage day. I always thought on my school days,why an apple had fallen on the head of Issac Newton. It could have fell on thousand others head.Like that why it has happened to me or why the pillow fallen down at that moment or why Sanajana volunteered to take the pillow from floor. Another unanswerable question to the scientific world.In some where between that desperate thoughts I fallen into sleep with a Iodex bottle in my hand on my "Suhhagrrath".

When I started to like rains

Really I don’t know when I started to like rains. Rains are very common in my state where I am coming from. Usually here there are two rainy seasons, one from June to September and other from October to November. In my childhood days I was not very much allowed in rains since I was very allergic to these small things. But I noticed that rain only gave you comfortability either you were completely drenched or completely dry. It was usually with the arrival of rainy days; here schools were reopened after summer vacation. Mostly our text books and note books were completely drenched by the rain in our transit from home to school or school to home. Even if my mother tried her best way by strongly holding my hand to get me out of water poodle on the sides of the road, same time I would try my very best to wet my feet in each and every poodle along the road.

But I enjoyed rain with full energy only in my college days. In between our football matches or cricket matches in college, rain used to visit us. But our energy wouldn’t allow rain to destroy the game. Rain challenged us while on our short escapade on bikes to local tourist destinations. Even if rain drops were hitting on us like stone pieces, we wouldn’t reduce the speed of the bike which was not acceptable to my age. But I never got bored of rain or never disliked rain. I even stand at my window side for long hours just watching rain. Rains always pass me a very serene or a romantic feeling.

My best memory regarding rain was also connected with my college days. We were in our final semester that time. We mean me and my close friend. We were sitting in my friend’s room and was deeply discussing about our college magazine which we were trying to make it a real thing. He arranged his table and chair beside the window where we can see the road outside. Sun was about to close down his day’s work. Suddenly from nowhere rain started to pour. We felt the freshness from inside the room itself. Smell of freshly hydrated soil started to fill up his room. Then only I noticed the person who was walking through the road which was going in front our room. She was my class mate and considered as a little star. She could sing beautifully, she could dance beautifully to all kind of classical forms. I developed a liking towards her when I started to knew her more closely after our ice-breaking session. Once I wrote a drama only for her as my leading lady in one of our college cultural fest.

She was walking in that sudden rain. Her umbrella found to be insufficient in that sudden rain with wind blowing in opposite direction. Her duppatta was not flying any more since it was drenched in the rain. She was already wet upto her knees. She was like a bird taken cover under the leaves of some tree while on raining. I really wanted to run towards her with a big umbrella and hold her very near to me. Suddenly I realized that I was out of the world for the last few minutes. I looked back to my friend. To my surprise he was also looking towards the same road outside. I followed his eyeline. He was also following the same girl with more curiosity and with full of emotions.

I couldn’t make out what kind of emotions I was going through at that moment. Whether I was jealous towards him or I was angry? But I couldn’t digest at that moment. But I didn’t want an open fight or duel with him, because he came to my life very long back I even knew her. He was the person who was always with me from my school days itself. When he turned back to me, I offered him a smile. He given back it with little bit shy. He already knew that I was watching him. Very shortly I said goodbye to him for that day. While I was going back to my block in the hostel, I didn’t care about how strongly rain was over me.

After three years I now surprisingly accepted that his frame is much better than my frame beside her. It is raining outside. Now a day I don’t have any special feeling towards rains. Some times I really pray not to rain while I am attending the flights, since it makes some Quality control difficulties.

Lost days

You and the moments

Bold Plan

He suddenly stopped mailing me. Sometimes his mail got bounced back. What happened to him? Last two three months was whirling around me.I couldn't forget his blue eyed figure with red winter jacket and dark blue turban in some hill station background.For the last one week I tried in every five minutes gap to check my google talk screen whether the indicator against his name was green.Never he came online.
He was Manpreet or Manpreet Singh. We started to know each other after that day while we were quizzing about a common communication quiz thorough online. He was the one who continued our relation. Then he started to chat. Chat changes to mails. I also felt some warmth in his attitude and his approach.He was far away in Patiala and I was in Trivandrum a south most part of India.After my initial hesitation, I also started to chat with him for long hours.
On one of that chat, I conveyed him what I was doing then and my program to write a paper in IEEE. He also got excited. He asked me more and more about the project and related paper. I was really happy to explain him all. That was my first appreciation I was getting about something in my life. I started to like him. I didn't know what make him so enthusiastic about my project. Whether he was a real tech maniac or he was trying to impress me? Didn't know the answer. But I didn't think in the other way. It became a routine that he started appearing in my google talk by 11am in the morning with a sweet 'Hai'. We exchanged different ideas. He was always encouraging.
I really work hard on that days to show him that I came across with new improvements in every day. Never he failed to contact me on that days. Asking so many questions and clarifications. I seemed to be in some cloud number nine. I was so excited when I got my final image processed output for my project in a wednesday evening. I was so impatient to tell him about that in the next day. Complete night I couldn't sleep. I tried various positions, but sleep god was not with me on that day.
It only took one more week to complete my paper regarding the project.Morning to evening I was continously typing. Boring work, but I was excited to give him a completed soft copy. I really wanted that paper should be in best form. I dreamed about his reaction. I really wanted him to pour me all his praises. Certainly he was the factor which had driven me to complete my paper in that pace.At last I mailed him the soft copy of my paper.
I waited for his reply. Days were going in snail's pace. Again I waited, I mailed, I left offline messages. No reply. More than getting a perfect output I was waiting for his reply.Now I was getting nightmares like my paper being published in IEEE website with smiling face of Manpreet Singh in author's colomn.
Other part of my mind was trying to convince that he was a mere illusion of mine.But I didn't want both diversions.

Falling deep

I was sitting in my favourite seat at Barista in Cochin, sipping a Barista Grande and looking towards backwaters. This was the only place in my world were I could find happiness and peace. I was expecting the moon to rise and sun to disappear behind some curtains which I was not interested to search down. Within an hour I would be sitting in the 23C of Jet Airways Mumbai flight. From there I will be boarding next day's Kingfisher Raipur flight for attending her wedding.

I never expected she would call me ever after what I have done to her. Throughout the call she seemed to be normal. But I couldn’t see her face to find out what all sort of emotional ups and downs she was going through while she was talking. Last minute of that call she asked me” Please come”. For a moment I kept silent. Then asked" why should I ? " " That you knows, right", she replied." Ok, baba aajayega", I jokingly answered. She gave me a smile and dropped the call.

We joined the company in the same day two years ago. I noticed her for the first time in our ice-breaking session. She was looking very simple, ordinary, a perfect north Indian girl with silky straight brownish hair and with grey eyes. She was from a world I hardly knew anything. She preferred to have rotis, dal, sabjis and dahi in our common lunch. But I sat with my usual rice, curries and salads. We didn't even notice each other for a month, any great talking or flirting. Simply we smiled each other when we met face to face. But fate or Takdir had taken us to same location in initial posting. We sat opposite to each other and talked very formally in Rajdhani Express which was taking us to New Delhi.

We got down at Nizammuddin station and boarded to same taxi which dropped her at Connaught Place and taken me to Palam airport, where I have to report. Slowly I started to adapt with Delhi life and my company offered me a flat at Dwarka sector 10 housing complex within a week. This was the first place in my life that I can hold as my own. My flat no 304 facing towards some girls school and sector 10 metro rail station. For next three weeks there was no news about her.

Three weeks later suddenly one evening she appeared in the same company housing complex. She found out my flat from the security and appeared in front of my door with a pleasant friendly smile. I got surprised at first. She told me that for next six months she will be staying one floor above of me since her business unit required her to monitor some works going on in the near by office. She also shared how she spent last three weeks and how much boring it was. Slowly sun was disappearing and darkness started prevailing. We thought of going out for dinner. I asked her. She agreed suddenly and we started for our dinner.

Days I spend with her was very beautiful ones.Every day we would be getting out by seven in the evening to near by market for roaming. We enjoyed together in our dinners, cyber cafes. She helped me in shopping my shirts, commented about colors,looks and all. I teased her about her passion for 'Kulfis'( Actually usese bhi jyata main ghata tha).Even once one waiter in our usual restaurant asked me "whether she is my girl friend or not?"With little bit hesitation I told him "hah"( mujhe kya farak padtha hai).

Do you people ever know how first touch or first kiss felt like? If somebody is narrating a story relating first touch, he is a crap. Touch it will happens like that(aisa ho jayega). But the kiss is different( pappi ka bath kuch alag hai). I never kept a diary regarding when I first touched her. But I couldn't forget when I kissed her for the first time. Different from our usual shedule, I ordered our dinner in my room on that day and told her to come to my flat. After our dinner we were just watching some movies in my laptop.After for while we both looked bored of the movie. We just closed the movie and started chatting. Suddenly I told her to sing a song. She denied at first but I tried to force her. Atlast she had admitted and looked me for a minute.

She sung something like" Aaja gale lagja, phir yeah mulakath hoh na hoh( Come and embrace me, we don't know whether this kind of moment again comes or not)". It was exactly matching to that moment with my balcony was opened to starry moonlit summer night. After the song I looked at her for a moment and stand up a little a kissed her on her left cheek. She didn't resist at all, but simply closed her eyes. From her expressions I could make out that it was her first kiss.Definitely not the first kiss of mine.On the same night we have kissed two more times and she slept in the same bed with me in that night with a pillow in between us as a border.

As usual I got bored off with what was going between me and her.But she was in true passion on her first love.Mean while she had to move to Noida as a part of another re-alocation.She stayed at the company quarters at Sector 6.Every night she used to call me after midnight and was talking for more than 2 to 3 hours.Then I prefered to take more night shifts than usual so that I could skip her phone calls.But the same time, like a miracle, I also got an offer to move to Hyderabad. I readily accepted and hide it from her. That weekend I visited her at Noida and we spend the night in her flat under the same bed. While sleeping she was holding my left hand so strongly that she didn't want me to leave.For that moment I thought of telling her everything that I was cheating her. But something inside my mind obstructed that idea or might be I was afraid to speak up.Any way next morning I told her goodbye like other weekends and just vanished from her life in the same week.

I suddenly woke up from my sleep on hearing one announcement" Good evening all. This is Captain Amardeep of Juliet- Golf- Romeo.We are about to land Mumbai Santacruz Airport. Weather seems to be clear and temperature recorded 29 degrees.Please fasten your seat belts.Thank you for being flying with us. Have a nice landing".Then only I realized that for the last two hours I was in a deep sleep. Like everyone I started to fasten my seat belt. I found out one end and I was struggling to take the other end from the bottom of seat. Same time one crew approached me and helped me to fasten. As I finished it, I looked at her and gave her a nice naughty smile and said" Thank you Sandhya(name I read from her name tag on her shirt)".In return she also gave me a nice wicked smile. That is why my friends call me "Harami(no translation required)".

Tears of Abiding

Thou you were not with me now and not for me in the future. But you were mine in the last days. I turned back the pages, I found a torn one. It was all about an evening long before when I was waiting for you for the last time at the park bench. You were late.
Even when you came, you made each step towards me with a lot hesitation. I could feel something revolting in your mind in each step. It was clear in your swirled eyes. I took your face in my hand and kept straight with my face.

“What?” I asked.

You escaped from my hold and answered “Nothing”, turning away from my face.
Then silence prevailed for a few minutes. We both didn’t look at each other. In other minute she caught my hand in her. I turned to face her. She started to speak softly “Dev, I am going to be engaged. We shouldn’t be any more like this. I couldn’t oppose them, my parents.”

She was sudden and words were broken. She let her face down. I couldn’t look at her. I felt something chilling inside me. Then for minutes I listen to the music of my watch’s tic-tic. She started speaking again, “Dev, we would be friends for ever now onwards, ha?” I said “Yes”, without looking at her. She again asked “whether I hurt you?” I told her the lie “No”.

She turned my face towards her. I was looking at her eyes straight. I controlled not to wet my eyes. I tried to make a faint smile. But I failed. She knew it and she also acted that she didn’t see it. My emotions and pains were curtained behind my face. I asked her “what’s your fiancée?”
She get surprised and answered “Marine Engineer”. “How is he?” I again asked. Her surprise became smile and she answered “Not good as you”. I laughed and said “Oh! You are flirting”. She also laughed in return.

But that moment, I know I was feeling a deep cut in my heart. Still I couldn’t believe ,how effectively I passed the test. I wished her all good wishes and lucks for the future. I also promised her that I would present in her marriage. I knew she would never invite me and I was not going to. But both of us acted brilliantly. Then for some time, there was nothing to talk. We didn’t look at each other.

I stand up to bid adieu for the last time and started walking away from her. I knew she was still standing beside the park bench. I knew she couldn’t believe my ways. She didn’t expect parting can be this simple.

While I was walking I hate myself. But I couldn’t forget the beautiful days with her . I was certain that she would be in my heart for ever. Even if I could scribe her from my dreams and thoughts, still I couldn’t drop her from the frame I painted on my heart. While I was remembering your smiling face and twinkling eyes, two drops of tears started dripping my cheeks. That would be the only thing that you never see………..